1. Purpose 2. Unity 3. Individuality 4. Curiosity 5. Care 6. Consistency 7. Authenticity.
Sustaining and strengthening relational curiosity about our partner, even once we are committed, established, and secure in our relationship, is vital to staying close throughout our lifetime together.
Express relational curiosity and care by asking genuine questions
Asking one another questions, being interested in one another, and continuing to learn more about one another creates moments of connection and intimacy.
We may think that after ‘x’ amount of years together, we know everything there is to know about our mate, but this just isn’t true! There is always something to discover because people are not static. We are dynamic, actively growing and changing throughout our lives. And sometimes, it takes an insightful or thoughtful question to bring out our latest ponderings, feelings, promptings, thoughts, and ideas.
Rather than assuming we know everything there is to know about our life partners and parenting teammates, let’s ask some questions and make room for them to surprise us!
4 cues to rhythmically cultivate curiosity in our relationships:
1. Daily cue
When your partner gets home from work, get up from where you are and go to greet them! Ask about their day, and genuinely listen to their answer. There may not be time to get into the details (especially if kids are jumping on them and loudly vying for their attention as well, as is usually the case in our home these days 🤪), but pay attention to what they say or how they say it, and remember something that you can ask them more about later on.
2. Nightly cue
Every night before you turn out the lights (or earlier if you have the time and space), ask your spouse something about their day. Something like:
- “What is one thing you are grateful for from today?”
- “What is one thing that was frustrating or challenging about today?”
- “What are you looking forward to about tomorrow?”
- “Can I pray for you, for something specific you’re thinking about or feeling right now?”
3. Monthly cue
At the start of each month, grab your favourite drinks, get cozy together, and touch on 3 topics:
- How you feel about the past month.
- How you feel right now.
- How you feel about the month to come.
The temptation can be to connect on plans, practicalities, and logistics, but try and keep focused on personal and emotional perspectives instead.
4. Yearly cue
Each Christmas, give each other a relationship book or video, or commit to a podcast series that leads to deeper understanding of ourselves and each other. Learning about something like the 5 Love Languages, the Enneagram, or the CliftonStrengths (Strengths Finder) can be a significant catalyst for connection.
By reading or listening to the same ideas, our curiosity may be piqued and insightful and helpful conversation will very likely follow.
Encouragement
Everyone in our lives is deeper than we give them credit for. We are all just one mindset-shift away from having an unexpectedly amazing conversation! Challenge yourself to become a question asker, and dig in with those you love!
Much love from,
Brianna and Ben
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