Variety and Compromise Will Positively Shift Our Life Paradigm

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

The Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Rhythms that provide variety are life-giving

In the daily grind of parenting, variety is the spice of life! Teamwork and compromise are essential to experience and savour that variety! Changing our thinking from “I need a break” to “I need some variety” has led to a positive paradigm shift in our home.  And in our relationship, too! We often are eagerly awaiting the next chance to take a break from kids, work, laundry, emails, cooking, meetings, whatever it is we’ve been doing all day or all week. Variety offers another angle that we believe is really helpful!

Breaks are great! When they aren’t an option, compromise with variety

Before we talk about what we love about variety, let’s talk about breaks. Breaks are not bad.  They are good, and we need them!  Taking a break from, well, anything, provides space for rest, renewed appreciation, and fresh inspiration – all things that help us pursue peace in our homes. As parents and providers, we are constantly giving, always pouring out. Taking a break from our responsibilities to have fun and do something for ourselves helps us stay mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy and strong. It’s just that sometimes, there isn’t time or space in the day to take an actual, checked out break.  So then what?

How variety is different from taking a break

One day, I (Brianna) had had a long day with the kids. When Ben got home from work, he pretty quickly picked up on this 😜 and offered to take all three kids to the park. I, of course, loved the idea! I helped put on coats and shoes, shuffled everyone out the door, and finally, the house was quiet and calm. This was my chance! I lit a candle, put in my earbuds, and … rested. Not! 🙃  I did light a candle and put on a podcast, but then, I got to work. In an hour and a half I cleaned the bathrooms, put away the lunch dishes, folded the load of laundry on my bed, responded to some messages on my phone, and made supper for my family. 

When Ben and the kids got home, they were tired and happy from running around in the fresh air.  Ben saw the candle and my satisfied expression and said, “you look refreshed, I’m glad you had a nice break.” 🤔 It’s true, any chance to be alone does result in some “refreshment.”  And I knew I had maximized my time alone, so I felt satisfied with what I had accomplished.  But, break? What break?! I hadn’t taken a break from my never-ending to-do list. But the variety of how it looked as I tackled it (no kids needing me and a full, uninterrupted podcast episode) sure made it feel like one! 

Similarly for Ben, taking three young kids to the park is not a break. But after a day of team leadership, adult conversations, and management decisions, the variety that play offered was rejuvenating for him. Between the two of us, we were still parenting and being productive, but the variety felt like a break! 

So back to Ben’s innocent comment – I took a brief moment to feel deeply offended and misunderstood. 🤪  Then, we talked through how my time had actually looked, and came to our epiphany: Variety is rejuvenating!  And finding or creating opportunities for variety can be life-changing.

Variety takes compromise as a parenting team

Working as a team to infuse life rhythms with variety takes compromise. While taking a break is  more black and white, you could say variety is a shade of grey.  When you feel you are in need of a break from the daily grind, variety isn’t an ideal or perfect solution, but it’s better.

Here is another example of how this can look.  I (Ben) am a passionate Liverpool Football Club fan. This means there are often Saturday morning football (soccer 😉) games to watch in our home. For a while, I spent these mornings watching the games on my own (taking a break) while Brianna spent the morning with the kids.  These Saturdays began to feel like another weekday to her, getting the kids ready for the day on her own. They didn’t offer her any variety.

So we talked about it and found a way to offer us both some variety. On LFC mornings, we set up our kids table by the TV with colouring and cereal and the kids join me for the morning.  I get the joy of watching the game, albeit with the compromise of feeding and hanging out with the kids at the same time and Brianna gets a quieter morning that looks different from her Monday to Friday. 

---

Rhythms that focus on variety provide a positive paradigm shift

By shifting our focus away from waiting for our next break, towards creating variety-infused life rhythms, our paradigm turns more positive. Rather than constantly trying to balance out our time with kids or at work with breaks, we can create sustainable rhythms that help us ENJOY daily life, even when we’re in the thick of it. 

Again, breaks are good.  Brianna and I prioritize having a checked-out “break” together most nights after the kids are asleep. We try our best to stay present in the moment with our kids until then. But by 7:00pm, there is a strong internal push for the finish line.  The after bedtime break is important for us in order to unwind from the day and recharge for the next one. We also embrace opportunities for girls or guys nights out after the kids are down. We’re often pretty tired by then, but spending time with friends brings on a second a wind and that time to connect is important to us. Yes, take the breaks! And also, look for ways with your teammate to offer and enjoy variety in the day-to-day. Together you’ll find you’re experiencing life in a more positive light.

Encouragement

Opportunities for variety are a bit easier to find, create, and schedule than breaks! At what points in your day/week are you feeling most in need of rejuvenation? What variety can you add into your day at these points?

Much love from,

Brianna and Ben