Birthday party pressure – it’s a thing! We’ve experienced it. 🫣
Kids’ birthday parties can feel like a looming pressure and stress-inducing obligation for a lot of parents.😬 🥳 This week, we are in the middle of party planning for our daughter’s fifth birthday – We get it, it can be a lot to think through, prepare for, and add on top of life’s typical, day-to-day rhythms!
But for many kids, their birthday is one of the most highly-anticipated, highlight days of their year! And so, for us as their parents, it’s an opportunity to affirm their importance and value by showing them that they are loved and worth being joyfully celebrated.
We believe it is possible to put the stress and pressure aside and somehow make the process fun again!
What leads to the birthday party pressure?
Why can our kids’ birthday parties feel so stressful? At the risk of oversimplifying, it likely comes down to one word.
Comparison.
Social media has been credited as a significant factor in the rise in anxiety, depression, and loneliness, along with many other negative sociological and relational responses, comparison being one of them.
Unlike any generation before us, we can see and know about so much more. Much more than we are meant to see and know about. When we see posts about our friends, family, or let’s be honest, total strangers, hosting kids’ parties with custom made decorations, professionally decorated birthday cakes, and hired entertainment, we can pretty quickly feel inadequate in what we might have to offer our kids.
And these feelings of inadequacy can turn into pressure, stress, and striving. All things that obviously suck the fun out of the whole thing! Comparing to other parties or other people also distracts us from the point: to show our child love and to celebrate them on their birthday.
It’s Not About How It Looks – It’s About How Our Kids Feel
The most simple and helpful way we have found to resist this birthday party pressure is by re-focusing on who this celebration is for. Our kids, bless them!😌
We can turn our attention away from social media (or even just the party our child attended last week), and toward our child. When we do this, our heart’s posture will pretty quickly change from striving to celebrating. From comparing, even competing, to serving.
The pressure for ‘impressive party impact’ will shift to a desire for meaningful moments that make our kids feel loved.
This shift brings a lot of freedom and fun back to the process of celebrating our kids’ birthdays!
Knowing Our Kids Will Focus Our Efforts
The purpose of our kids’ birthday parties is to make them feel known and celebrated. Our kids are all unique. This means there will be many different kinds of birthday celebrations that reflect who they are and what lights them up.
There will be parties that are big, small, loud, focused, active, calm, healthy, sugary, extravagant, and simple!
All that really matters is that each party reflects the birthday girl or boy. That it celebrates them in a way that speaks to their hearts, and strengthens their connections with others
There is no right or wrong. There is no status quo birthday party ‘standard’ that needs to be met.
This means that for some of our kids, we might not actually have a birthday ‘party’ at all! Supper and cake at Grandma’s house might be just the thing to celebrate one child. A full-class extravaganza at the trampoline park might be a dream come true for another.
Both can be meaningful!
It will serve ourselves and our families well if we can break away from the, sometimes deeply engrained, picture we have in our minds of what a birthday celebration is ‘supposed’ to look like. The ‘why’ of our kids birthday parties isn’t to host a great event.
The ‘why,’ the purpose of having a party or celebration of any kind for our kids, is to affirm them that they are special and there is joy in celebrating them. We do this by celebrating them in a way that speaks to their hearts!
Encouragement
Next birthday celebration you plan, try turning your focus from whatever you might be seeing online or whoever you find yourself comparing yourself to, and focus on your child! Someone may glance at a beautiful party photo you post online for a second or two. But, the impact of a moment that truly celebrates your child and affirms their significance, is a ‘why’ to lean into.
Sometimes ‘addition by subtraction’ is the best approach. What distracts you from focusing on your child? That’s likely something that can be eliminated to keep your eyes on the purpose of the party. Celebrating your child well on their birthday.
Much love from,
Brianna and Ben
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