1. Purpose 2. Unity 3. Individuality 4. Curiosity 5. Care 6. Consistency 7. Authenticity.
Clearly defined roles and responsibilities are a crucial first step in the pursuit of consistency in our daily life rhythms.
Sometimes dividing up responsibilities happens completely organically. Other times, it takes some intentional discussion, or even some productive debate. Either way, it is worth it to define who is responsible for which repetitive tasks, no matter how big or how small they may be!
This way, we can streamline processes that can pretty easily get muddled up or missed altogether. And it has the added bonus of building trust and closeness with your mate and family!
We had a great conversation with Shannon Leyko, host of the Paring Down Podcast here. We talk about some of the ways we can organize our approach to family teamwork in ways that streamline and simplify daily life.
Consistency in clearly defined roles builds trust
Once we’ve decided together what each family member will be responsible for, carrying them out consistently is what builds trust and healthy dependability on one another. Like any team, defining ‘what I will do’ and ‘what you will do’ is vital.
It’s more clear, more efficient, and more fun when we know our part to play. Then, we can focus on playing it well!
Teamwork is rewarding, no matter how mundane the task
One day, in the hustle and bustle of leaving the house, you will realize you snapped into action and completed something complementary to your parenting teammate without even talking about it.
When life begins to happen smoothly and automatically this way, it is surprisingly rejuvenating! Rather than getting in the van after the flurry of leaving the house feeling flustered and frustrated with one another, we can actually feel connected, united, and ready.
Working as a team really is rewarding, no matter how mundane the task at hand may be. In fact, maybe it can be considered a way to make mundane tasks more exciting!
There is something fulfilling about being on the same wavelength with your teammate. Clearly defined roles, carried out consistently, will lead to a deep appreciation for partnership.
4 Key moments where defining roles can help life move more smoothly
1. When leaving the house together: Who is in charge of what standard steps?
This has got to be one of the toughest ones to execute consistently. At least, this is true for our family. 🙃 There just always seems to be something out of the ordinary we need to remember to bring or do before we actually get out the door!
When we leave the house together, Ben takes care of the ’typical’ steps. Things like potty used by all kids, shoes on before getting into the vehicle (with little ones, even this isn’t a given 🤪), car loaded, house lights off, etc.
This way, I can take care of the ‘one-offs.’ Things like remembering the birthday gift for the party, the salad we’re bringing to the family dinner, or the forgotten stuffie our daughter needs to return to her friend at church.
I am freed up to focus on the specifics of each outing because I can depend on Ben to ensure the more repetitive steps of leaving the house with kids aren’t missed.
2. When arriving home from an outing: Where does each person land their things?
It feels like a classic kid-move to walk in the house and throw everything on the floor. They step over a pile of clutter with ease and run inside the house, no looking back. We will save ourselves a lot of hassle going forward by teaching our kids early that they have a role to play when we walk in the door.
Have a clear place for things to be put when you get home. Things like shoes in the drawer, coat on the closet door handle, backpack on the hook, water bottle by the kitchen sink. If we stay consistent with this ‘getting home rhythm’ from the get-go, it will become more and more automatic over time.
3. At the end of a mealtime: What is each family member’s job (including every kid)?
Sometimes it can feel like just ‘doing it ourselves’ will be faster, easier, smoother. With young kids, especially. It seems like every time our daughter clears her own dishes, something gets dumped or spilled on the floor. And this only creates more work than if we’d just cleared her place for her. 🫣
But this is where we need to focus on the long game!
Empowering our kids to contribute is important. By giving them simple, clearly defined roles, we can build into them that they are capable and dependable. After they do something, it becomes a chance to model encouragement and gratefulness as well. Plus, there is the obvious, practical side of sharing the load at home. And this is something that we, as the parents, will certainly appreciate over time.
4. When shutting down the house for the night: What is the task list (be it for safety, security, comfort, or relaxation) and how is it shared between you?
This rhythm is just as much about preparing for the next day as it is about tidying up from the day that is just ending. Having clearly defined roles in this process is crucial at the end of the day when everyone is tired and eager for rest.
In our home, we rotate which parent puts which kids to bed. Our son is pretty quick and to the point when it comes to getting to sleep. Our daughters take lot more time and … ‘nurturing.’ Because of this we end up rotating the night time reset rhythms as well. Whoever is out from bedtime first gets started on the kitchen and reseting the house for the next day. Though we take turns doing this, we both know that our space has to reach a certain place of readiness for the next day before we ‘release’ ourselves to relax for the night.
It seems a lot of these tidy-up or clean-up tasks are the most draining. We can feel frustrated, maybe even resentful, when we thought our partner was going to finish a task and they thought it was ‘good enough.’ It is worth flagging these times as opportunities to have some important conversation and get back on the same wavelength.
When the finish line is defined ahead of time, a real, meaningful commitment can be made. It becomes relieving to see what your partner pulled off while you were in kid-mode. And, it can become connective to join in and finish it off together so you can both move into rest-mode. It is bonding to know that you can trust each other with something ‘small,’ but important!
Encouragement
Start with one regular life transition. Define your role and that of your family members (include the kids, and keep it simple). And then, stick to it. Consistently 😉.
Much love from,
Brianna and Ben
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