When we cultivate meaningful family traditions, we nurture our unique family cultures! Being intentional about which rhythms we choose to carry on or create for our families is an important first step.
Some memories are lasting and some are fleeting. Though we believe it’s the compounding effect of day-to-day moments that most significantly shapes our kids, the milestone moments and annual rhythms are significant too! They are opportunities to engage our family’s memories and emotions.
Let’s add a layer on top of this yearly rhythm introspection, with some practical thoughts. Here are 10 helpful questions for a parenting team to look at together as you cultivate meaningful family traditions.
1. How will it encourage interaction & engagement?
Reflect on whether the tradition creates meaningful interactions and quality time together as a family. The essence of a tradition lies in its ability to strengthen bonds and deepen connections between family members. Movie nights are great and are one of our favourite ways to have a relaxed, low key night with each other or with friends or family. But, do they deepen relationships quite the same way other quality time activities might? Factor in which traditions create memories that strengthen relationship. How we do something matters as much, or more, as what we do?
Idea: Have a family game night where family gathers, conversation is had, and laughs are shared!
2. Does it reflect our beliefs & values in an authentic way?
Authentic and unforced traditions that reflect your family’s values and beliefs are some of the most beautiful. Consider whether the tradition aligns with the values and beliefs you hold dear as a family. How do you keep the focus on faith amidst the distractions during holiday seasons? How do you celebrate or involve the elderly in your extended family? Are birthdays all about ‘getting’ or is there more that can be incorporated into the day? When someone reaches a milestone or accomplishes a goal, is there a way you celebrate them as a whole family? Finding ways to naturally infuse deeper meaning into yearly rhythms can be incredibly special.
Idea: At Christmas time, help the kids put on a Christmas pageant of the nativity with their friends and/or cousins at home. It’s a tradition that is fun and creative, and also reflects our family’s faith.
3. What could we do to build anticipation?
Ask yourself and your family whether the tradition generates excitement and anticipation as the time approaches. Add something that points toward the together-time to come. A tradition that becomes something eagerly anticipated by your family each year is a testament to it’s enduring significance and impact. Some traditions don’t last a lifetime, and that’s ok! Making the, sometimes hard, decision to stop a tradition may be worth it if it is only being continued because “we’ve always done it” but it’s no longer enjoyed or age appropriate. What would be exciting in the next phase of family development?
Idea: If your whole family used to find the annual birthday bumps tradition hilarious, and it no longer is, take this as your permission to go ahead and stop 😜
4. How can each person contribute something?
The things we are most proud of in life are things we put part of ourselves into. This is no less true of family events and activities. What hobbies do people have that can enhance the moment? What skills do people have that would make it special, unique, genuine? Share the load, invite contribution, and recognize that something hard for one person might actually be exciting for another. Tap into people’s love of food, environment, hosting, decorating, game planning, strength, athleticism, presenting, etc., and invite them to find a way to incorporate it. Everyone has something to give, we just often need an invitation to contribute before we do.
Idea: Ask the closet baker in the family to bake and decorate the cake for your child’s birthday party. (Yes we’ve done this … the peppa pig themed cake our brother-in-law created for our three year old was incredible!)
5. What would bring joy?
Reflect on how the tradition feels. Whether it brings joy to your family members will say something. As you cultivate meaningful traditions, looks for ways to build them around passions and interests that genuinely resonate with your family.
Idea: If your family loves sports, attend an event or game together every year (in our extended family, we like to attend the matinee hockey game on Family Day long weekend). If your family is musical, pull out the instruments and jam / sing together on special occasions.
6. How can we honour family heritage?
Reflect on whether the tradition celebrates your family’s cultural background or heritage. Traditions that help your children connect with their roots and identity are significant and it’s cool to see things pique their curiosity about family history. This, often unknowingly, fosters a deeper sense of belonging.
Idea: Make a certain kind of food or bake a seasonal treat that reflects your family cultural background. For us, this is Mennonite pfeffernuse cookies that Grandma makes every Christmas!
7. How can we include everyone?
Be thoughtful to create some traditions that are inclusive and accessible to all members of the family. Consider how a tradition can accommodate different ages, interests, and abilities, making everyone feel invited and wanted. Not all traditions need to include everyone – Sometimes things are for the girls, or the guys, or the kids, or the adults. But making sure everyone feels remembered and thought of goes a long way in a family.
Idea: Perhaps Great Grandpa can’t join the family on the 2 hour long hike every July long weekend anymore. You don’t have to stop altogether, but add something he can still be a part of – Find a good spot that evening to watch the fireworks together.
8. Can we repeat it next year?
Think about whether the tradition can be repeated annually without placing strain on your family’s resources, time, or energy. Sustainability is important for making sure traditions endure through the years! Asking the question whether something special you do this year, is something you can repeat next year, is key.
In our experience, it’s best to only introduce a new tradition during memorable holiday seasons and birthdays if you are sure it is repeatable in the future. Why is this? Kids remember! Even if you don’t intend to repeat something next time, chances are the kids will hold you to it! 😜
The desire to bless our kids and give them everything we can is a desire that comes from a good place. However, when you test run a new tradition, it helps to start small. Go for ‘meaningful’ rather than ‘more’ so that the traditions you create can be sustainable.
Idea: If you are inspired to put together an elaborate Valentines gift basket for the kids one year, but it may not be feasible next year, consider going more simple. A chocolate rose from Dollarama, some chocolate kisses, and a handmade Valentine from mom and dad is sweet and special.
In our home, hanging a banner for pretty much every occasion also adds – It makes it that much more special and ‘official’. ☺️
9. Do we have the time to fully enjoy it?
Ask yourself whether the tradition can be realistically incorporated into your family’s full schedule in a consistent way. Avoid traditions that require excessive time, effort, coordination, and commitment. Opt instead for manageable activities that fit more seamlessly into life. There are so many great ideas and ways to connect – the idea of group trips and getaways are super exciting. This is where the question of whether something is manageable in the long term is important to consider before making something epic, a yearly family rhythm.
Idea: Commit to an annual kick-off-to-summer BBQ with the family at a favourite, local, outdoor spot, rather than, say, an annual long weekend camping trip with the extended family.
10. Can it grow with us?
Explore whether there is room for flexibility and adaptation as your family dynamics change and evolve. Change is hard at the best of times, and so the idea and reality of changing a longstanding tradition can be really emotional for some family members. We need to offer each other grace as we feel the feelings. And we need to offer understanding as we work together to adjust a tradition in a way that it can still be meaningful as a family changes. A yearly rhythm that can flex and grow alongside your family’s changing needs and circumstances is more likely to stand the test of time and can become even more significant.
Idea: Change the annual family Christmas movie night from ‘It’s a Wonderful life’ at 8:00pm, to ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ at 4:30pm to include the kids!
A small step is a good step
Moments we create, and then recreate year after year, can become fundamental, focal point moments for a family. Yearly rhythms have the potential to strengthen family relationships in an impactful and long-lasting way. Considering these questions is a good, first step on the quest to cultivate meaningful traditions in your family!
Not all traditions need to answer “yes” to all of these questions, and not every question will apply to every tradition. But, considering them as you establish, tweak, and strengthen your family traditions will ensure that the traditions you create within your family are not only enjoyable, but also meaningful and enriching.
Encouragement
When is your next opportunity to try out an intentional, annual rhythm? Which of these questions will help you refine it so you can best celebrate and serve your family?
Much love from
Brianna and Ben
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