1. Purpose 2. Unity 3. Individuality 4. Curiosity 5. Care 6. Consistency 7. Authenticity.
Caring for our partner is something that can actually be quite simple to do. It is also something that can easily get left behind as the demands of family life grow.
As parents, we show care for our young kids all the time! It’s even a job description – ‘childcare.’ If we aren’t caring for our kids, we need to ask or even hire someone else to do it. 😜 On the other hand, we can stop intentionally caring for our life partner with no consequence other than the connection and closeness of our relationship, which is a costly one.
Caring for our partner begins with listening
Caring for one another is preceded by understanding one another. And our understanding grows and becomes more clear when we continually learn about and listen to one another. Knowing how our partner receives care, and recognizing what clues and cues they intentionally (and unintentionally) use to communicate how they are feeling, and what they need, is important. It can sometimes mean the difference between a connective rejuvenation together and an unnecessary outburst of pent up emotional energy.
Given the chance to verbalize our needs, we may also realize them!
We can learn what kinds of things communicate care to our partner by asking them. Then, we can respond by offering these kind of gestures in a reliable and rhythmic way. Some gestures of care will remain constants. (I, Brianna, felt very cared for whenever I received a midday coffee delivery at work, and I feel the same way now, when I receive the occasional delivery while I’m at home with the kids ☺️).
Some things, however, will shift, with life’s changing seasons. (I, Ben, used to consider being on a sports team a given in my life. Now, when Brianna frees me up to go do something active, it communicates care in a way it never did before we had a family).
This is why it’s important to continue to listen and be continually learning what lights our spouse up and is currently best communicating care.
Rhythmically caring for our partner cultivates trust and intimacy
Random acts of kindness are sweet and special, but rhythmic acts of care can build deep trust and intimacy.
Small, simple gestures of care offered consistently will often speak louder than an extravagant or romantic, one-off moment shared occasionally.
Because care is received uniquely by each person, rhythmic care will look different too. We each have ways we most naturally receive care, the gestures of love and care that speak right to our hearts.
There are also lots of simple gestures that may not reflect our primary love language, but are meaningful, playful, connective gestures that are relationship-growing even so – ‘small things, done with great love.’
Some ways we might rhythmically show care for our parenting teammate:
Make tomorrow’s lunch for your partner every evening, or their coffee for them every morning
Meeting one of our partner’s practical needs on a regular basis is one way to show care in a reliable and servant-hearted way. This kind of care especially speaks to those who resonate with the acts of service love language.
Leave a 5 second love note once every week or two in an unexpected place in the house
Receiving a note like this can be surprisingly exciting and connective when we’re in the midst of a busy day. There’s something meaningful in realizing our partner was thinking of us ahead of time. And you just can’t beat a hand written love note, no matter how small.
Set a timer on your phone to remind you to send an encouraging text every Friday at lunch
We can also lean into the technology side of the words of affirmation love language. When Ben is in work mode, he is focused and driven to meet the demands of the intense and complex nature of his role. I rarely expect to hear from him during his work hours, so when I receive an encouraging text from him while he’s at work, I really feel the love.
Hold hands while driving in the car
It feels sweet, connective, and a touch retro-movie-like to reach across the console to hold hands in the car! It takes us back to our dating days, to a time when being in each other’s lives daily was an alluring future rather than a current reality – Imagine it’s the first time and re-live the sensations.
Trade massages every weekend to help unwind from the week
This takes some effort and energy, so can be a hard one to initiate at the end of the week. But once you get started, you never regret it. So much of our physical care has been outsourced due to modern benefits plans and social norms, so it can be very meaningful to take something literally back into our own hands! It may not be a weekly rhythm, but even if just once a month, this kind of physical care can be very connective, rejuvenating, and fun.
Encouragement
Mother Theresa did some exceptional things in her life, and once said, “We cannot always do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” What is one small thing that can be done regularly in your home with great love?
Much love from,
Brianna and Ben
Leave a Reply