Rhythmic UNITY as Parents: Pulling In the Same Direction & Keeping it That Way Over Time (2 of 7)

1. Purpose 2. Unity 3. Individuality 4. Curiosity 5. Care 6. Consistency 7. Authenticity. 

Carving out time and space to cultivate unity as parents makes it possible for us to pull in the same direction as a team. And, to keep it that way over time!

Cultivating unity as parents takes communication

Cultivating unity as parents can really only happen with consistent, honest communication. 

Before kids, this was certainly easier! Talking between the two of us happened all the time … while getting ready for the day, at meals, in the car. We remember one day we were driving with our contented, almost-toddler in the backseat. We were talking about something more serious when, mid-conversation, her little voice piped up, “What did you say? What are you talking about?” 

We realized we had entered a new era. Little ears were now listening. A little person was now commenting. We could no longer discuss things, unfiltered, at any time of the day.

And then, our girls both grew into little chatterboxes! The airwaves of our home and life are mostly filled by their voices at pretty much all times of the day. 😜

Strengthen unity as parents in low pressure moments

Our opportunity to really talk with one another was no longer happening organically. Especially when it came to larger, more complex, maybe more sensitive topics that weren’t wise to discuss with our kids nearby.

We also started to encounter new parenting scenarios more often – something like a new behaviour we needed to work through with our kids, or a new level of meltdown we hadn’t yet figured out how to navigate. In the emotion and pressure of these moments, we could tell we weren’t aligned. We were fumbling through our response to our kids, trying to correct one another in front of them, and then trying to explain ourselves to each other in front of them.

Create space to cultivate unity

After a few of these tense moments, we realized it just wasn’t possible to try and figure out our parenting approach in the pressure of the moment with our kids watching and most likely picking up on our discord.

We are learning that, in these more pressure-filled moments, one of us needs to allow the other to lead. We are learning to quickly recognize when we are facing a new situation and give ourselves some grace and make some time to figure it out later.

It’s a challenge, but sometimes we need to give our partner the chance to lead the best they can in that moment. Sometimes, the best we can do is all we can do. We can practice self control in the moment, and then focus our attention on how the kids are reacting, how our emotions are changing, and notice key things we will want to talk about later.

One thing that can help depressurize a situation is to simply talk to our kids, spouse, or family when we make mistakes. By recognizing our mistakes and acknowledging our shortcomings, we can model reconciliation and teach our little humans how to apologize, even though it can be hard, even for us as adults.

Carving out time and space for us to process our mistakes or moments of disunity together, later, allows us to make our plan for next time and strengthen our unity as parents. We need to prioritize times for us to connect in this way.

Unity is a responsibility that takes effort to cultivate

It’s important to create a rhythm around connecting for the sake of unity.  

Ephesians 4:3, “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” (NLT).

Another translation says, “Work hard to live together as one by the help of the Holy Spirit. Then there will be peace.” (NLV)

‘Make every effort’ and ‘word hard’ stand out to us in this verse. Unity isn’t something that just happens; We have the responsibility to create, nurture, and sustain it with God’s help.

To do this in our relationship, we essentially had to broaden, or redefine, what a ‘date night’ is to us. It doesn’t always mean a babysitter and restaurant bill. It can be a make-shift charcuterie board, ready-made pizza, or bag of chips, a Bubly water from the fridge, and a face to face conversation on the patio.

The point is to make time for intentional connection, and to make use of that time.

4 Types of Date Nights:

1. Fire Side:  Fire pit, fire table, large candle, small candle … it doesn’t matter. Light it up and experience how conversation always comes easier with some combustion nearby!
2. Walk & Talk:  This is another under-utilized magical key to conversation. Fresh air, blood pumping, good vibes rising – all allowing openness and creativity to abound. 
3. The Insuppressible Picnic: Take those snacks or appies and spread that blanket like you’ve never spread it before. In the middle of your living room, in the back yard, on your rooftop!  (Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!)
4. The Classic: Dinner out. Plus, no prep and no cleanup! Enough said. 

Encouragement

Schedule one of these four date nights.  Ready for the next step?  Schedule in a consistent frequency of date nights for the rest of the year.  If we don’t pre-set it, we will forget it!

Much love from,

Brianna and Ben